I’m trying to stop it, but I don’t know how. I don’t know how to change that feeling when I think of eating. Every time I think of eating, I always reject it, and there’s that though that eating will just make me fat.
How could everything you’ve planned for almost your entire high school life go so wrong?
A year ago, I swear to heaven and back, I was so sure. I was so pumped. I was so ready.
I looked at the webpage with my full name on it. Under it was written BS ME, and under that was written 100TF. I was ecstatic. I was so sure my future was made. I was so sure.
Then all of it just disappeared.
In its place, Fs, all nighters, and incompetence stood firm. What I considered good became failure, and great became average. Papers piled up and almost all of it is labelled with mediocre Cs and Bs in blood red ink, as if taunting me that the blood flowing in me is incompetent.
How did that happen? I ask myself in utter despair and loss. Deep down, though, I knew why. I knew why but I just couldn’t make sense of how it became that way. It all seems so fast and so outrageous.
I lost track. I just drove and at some point, apparently at a point I didn’t notice, I turned, I swivelled away, and I miserably fell of the track I was supposed to be following. When that happened, like a car, I broke down and my navigation panel broke down with me. And yet, losing track, I continued to drive slowly, trying to be as I once was before and looking for that track I swivelled away from.
Fortunately, I found it. Unfortunately, I found the end of it. The track has now reached a dead end. This dead end was signed “Competent only.” I contemplated on what this could mean, and then I remembered. Competent labels were given earlier at 7am. It was now 7:15.